I Will Try Harder

“Look past your thoughts so you may drink the pure nectar of this moment.”

Rumi

biggirl

Approximately nine years and six months from today my daughter will be graduating from high school. While I realize that graduation is a time of celebration and great joy, the thought of one of my children no longer living under my roof makes me sad.

And yet I have today and tomorrow and many more with her. So how is it fair to her that I allow anything to slice away even just a sliver of the precious moments that I have remaining with her?

It is not!

And yet I do it all of the time.

Moments do not repeat themselves. That is what makes them so special. We may not always be able to fully experience each and every one. But we owe each moment our fullest attention because they presented themselves to us when they could have just as easily gone on the next person. Yet they didn’t.

But they just might start if they begin to notice that we are not fully present when they appear.

And they will notice.

And so will our children.

I do not watch the news and I do not read the newspaper simply because I try to keep my mind free of negativity. So far this strategy has worked fairly well, although from time to time I will inadvertently hear mention of this catastrophe or that breaking event and it chips away just a little bit of my inner peace.

But it is that which is within my control that I must improve upon. As I mentioned earlier, I have only a finite number of moments remaining with my daughter at home and I want to be fully present for as many as possible. It is not fair to her that while I am with her, my brain is secretly trying to solve some work related issue. There is a time and a place for that and when I am with her is not one of them.

There will always be a problem to solve or an issue to resolve. They are a part of life.

But I must remember that they are just that.

A part of life.

They are not Life.

Life for me is a serious of beautiful moments strung together.

I want to make my string as long as possible.

I want it to be so long that I am unable to see where it begins and where it ends.

I want it to be strong so that when times get tough I can wrap this thickly braided string of moments around me to keep me safe.

I will try harder.

I must.

Today I am not going to work. I am taking the day to chaperone my daughter’s field trip. I can not wait. It is going to be so much fun! I really have no idea what we are going to see or what we are going to do and I don’t care because I will be with my daughter.

Yes, it’s a Friday.

Yes, there is much to do at work.

Yes, I will occasionally think about what is going on at school while I am not there.

But I am really trying hard not to.

Today I am hoping to add at least a moment or two to my string.

I owe it to my daughter to make our string as long and as strong as I possibly can. And while I realize that I can add to it after she leaves home, I also know that it will be much more difficult.

My little girl will be graduating from high school in about nine years and six months.

I can’t wait to see how many incredible moments we can string together between now and then!

baby girl

2 thoughts on “I Will Try Harder

  1. Beautifully written! I, too, stay away from news because of the negativity it brings into my world. I didn’t always stay away from the news, but when I found out how much more peacefully I live without the news in it, I quit listening/reading it cold turkey. Enjoy the moments.

  2. And the moments fly by so quickly!! Savor the moments – they are the true richness of life. I’m so glad that now my oldest two are at college that I have lived life with them with no regrets! I’ve been there in the moments and it makes all the difference. LOVE IT!

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